I know this has probably been done before but I am doing a school project on coming out and I'd love to get some 'real' information, not just 'shit' from textbooks. If you guys could post it, and no, I want details that will put your privacy at risk but yeah just 'coming-out stories'. It would really help my assignment. And if you guys have anything else to say about 'coming-out' please don't hesitate to. For those curious about mine, I shall provide in due time.

Thank you.

Mine is pretty simple. I got caught by my Mom in bed with the guy i was dating at the time. I was just finishing High School. After I graduated, My mom thought it would be best if I just moved out. After I did that she changed the locks, her phone number and probably burned my bed. I took what money I had saved and moved across the country to near one of the colleges I had been accepted at and started a new life. It felt at first that my world had crumbled around me. But I soon realized it was probably the best thing that could have happened. Some other good things have happened that have made it possible to live out my dream of studying and living in Australia.

FYI there are some other stories on coming out here as well:

http://www.samesame.com.au/forum/showthread.php?t=122

Quote:

Originally Posted by jnabrams

Mine is pretty simple. I got caught by my Mom in bed with the guy i was dating at the time. I was just finishing High School. After I graduated, My mom thought it would be best if I just moved out. After I did that she changed the locks, her phone number and probably burned my bed. I took what money I had saved and moved across the country to near one of the colleges I had been accepted at and started a new life. It felt at first that my world had crumbled around me. But I soon realized it was probably the best thing that could have happened. Some other good things have happened that have made it possible to live out my dream of studying and living in Australia.

I'm so sorry to read about your mum's reaction. Surely it's a mum's job to love you unconditionally. I can understand that it would be difficult for some parents to come to terms with it, but they have to "come out" too. You had probably a fair bit of time to get used to it but parent's need time, too. That doesn't mean they should reject you. I think what your mum did to you is unforgivable. I hope she has a change of heart and you are able to become re-acquainted. Good luck.

I had been going out with girls but each time the relationship ended. Each time it ended I felt relieved. I used to have nightmares about walking down the isle. Eventually I decided to do something about it so I went to a gay bar. I met a guy who thought he'd picked me up, though in reality I had somewhat subtly picked him up. I fell in love with him within a few hours but found out he had been having it off with other guys. It broke my heart for an hour or two. Each new guy I met I learned a little more about human nature, at least from a gay perspective. I'm now with a guy who I've been with for over 10 years. He's wonderful and I couldn't be happier.

The End

hey dude

i got 'outed' when i woz in year 7 at high school. i knew i was more attracted to guys from way back (probably about 7 or 8yo) and told my best friend when i was in year 7. he went and told everyone at school (needless to say that was the end of our friendship!). at an all boys private rugby school in the late 70s and early 80s being gay was so not cool, and i was reminded evry day via bullying, name calling, being bashed - school was a nightmare for me. i couldnt tell my parents at that stage cos i thought the same thing would happen to me and i was in so much fear. even the teachers at school would've had to know what was going on as the bullying was blatant and in front of them, but it just seemed to get filed in the too hard basket and nothing was done. except when i was in year 9, and my year coordinator suggested it would be "in veryone's best interest if i didn't talk about 'gay stuff' " ??? still dont know what that means - or how it was sposed to help me. the ironic thing was that i was a good footballer and athlete, and for two months of the year, august - september, the semis and finals of the football season and the athletics season i was the school hero. i remember being at the sydney sports ground in a final one year and our school was all there in their uniforms to cheer for us, and there was a moment when i heard my name being chanted by 1000 school kids all willing me to lead the school to victory. within a few weeks i was getting bashed again and called 'poof' and 'faggot' walking down the school corridors between classes. it was heaps confusing. i hated being gay and wished i wasnt - i tried dating a few girls in my senior years - probably cos i thort thats what i was sposed to do, and i just wanted to be accepted. i totally hated being different. one girl i dated, i only stayed with her so i could be close to her brother who i had the most massive crush on, and whenever i had sex with her i imagined it was her brother (i know that mite sound weird, but thats how it was). i finally came out to family and friends after leaving school and it was the biggest relief. my dad even still doesnt really talk about it - he's really 'old school' and a former first grade league player, and mum still cant say the word 'gay'. i laugh at it now - its kinda funny! i was hurt at first but have come to understand that being gay is just not the world they have come from - and i cant change them. they still love me though - although its not always comfortable if i bring a boy to family functions. my uncle is the biggest homophobic fuckwit i have ever encountered. sometimes i pray that his son or daughter will be gay just to totally piss the cunt off - i know thats not real right, but i hate the cunt - he is such a homophobe -the sort of fuckwit that would've gone gay bashing in his youth.

i live on the northern beaches now, and its kinda a pretty covert homophobic area, but iv got heaps of mates (most of them straight) who all love me for me. im not really into the whole 'scene' as i dont drink or do drugs (i like to think i keep pretty fit - lol!), but do go clubbing occassionally. coming out was hard - hating myself for being gay was even harder.

at the end of the day - im so glad iv been true to myself.

let me know if that helps - or am happy to expand if u need me to.

cheers bro (and good luck with ur assignment)

pete

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tim D

FYI there are some other stories on coming out here as well:

http://www.samesame.com.au/forum/showthread.php?t=122

Where's yours mate?

wow thanks.. i know everyone's probably anticipating mine. it shall be posted tomorrow. i tried writing it today but i felt like i said too much.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ramrod

I'm so sorry to read about your mum's reaction. Surely it's a mum's job to love you unconditionally. I can understand that it would be difficult for some parents to come to terms with it, but they have to "come out" too. You had probably a fair bit of time to get used to it but parent's need time, too. That doesn't mean they should reject you. I think what your mum did to you is unforgivable. I hope she has a change of heart and you are able to become re-acquainted. Good luck.

Thanks Ramrod. But since my Mum cut the ties (phone and sold the house) and since I'm planning on moving to Australia in a little over a month I doubt there will be much chance of getting back with her. There's more to that story than I printed, but I really am looking forward to getting on with my life. I was always closer to my Dad than my Mom and I think this is something he would have wanted me to do. So all is good. I'm happy with my decisions and I just hope my Mum can live with hers.

Jon

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ramrod

I had been going out with girls but each time the relationship ended. Each time it ended I felt relieved. I used to have nightmares about walking down the isle. Eventually I decided to do something about it so I went to a gay bar. I met a guy who thought he'd picked me up, though in reality I had somewhat subtly picked him up. I fell in love with him within a few hours but found out he had been having it off with other guys. It broke my heart for an hour or two. Each new guy I met I learned a little more about human nature, at least from a gay perspective. I'm now with a guy who I've been with for over 10 years. He's wonderful and I couldn't be happier.

The End

Good on you, Mate. I love happy endings. I only hope that 10 years from now I have the same story. Hugs, Jon

Quote:

Originally Posted by robbie

Where's yours mate?

My coming out story was quite a positive experience. Told me folks one night, they said they'd love me no matter what, god love them. Told my best friend since primary school, he came out straight back at me (ha, we picked each other young!), told my sister, she cried happy tears (just to be the dramatic one) and that's it from me. Have been 100% out ever since. I realise I'm extremely lucky to have such a happy coming out story and am very thankful for that.

Now yours Robbie?

Quote:

Originally Posted by sneakos

i live on the northern beaches now, and its kinda a pretty covert homophobic

Yeah but there is a quite a few of us out here

Quote:

Originally Posted by robbie

Where's yours mate?

R0bbie, were waiting anxiously for yours, mate.

Well, ok, here's mine. I didn't actually come out and being to love myself until I was 23, when I had the courage to finally accept that I was very different from the other boys and that being gay was a-ok. My schooling years were a major cause of my late blooming.

I was playing with boys from the age of 16, although I thought this was a normal part of growing up and didn't think there was a name or stereotype for me - I still liked girls but also enjoyed the boys. I had this one spunky friend at school called Tom, and we played around now and then, and at a drunken house party when we were 16, we played around in the lounge room in complete darkness and silence with many friends laying all around us. Yes, very daring, I know.

Someone must have witness something because in the morning, the whispers turned into accussations and I was soon subject to threats from most of my so-called mates, of course I was the one who had supposedly molested Tom while he slept and he let everyone run with the story, the bastard. Within a week, the entire levels of year 11 and 12 knew and I was taunted every day until i graduated 18 months later with cruel gay jokes and at times, physical abuse and bullying. It was the most depressive period of my life and I began to honestly think that having feelings for other boys was evil.

I survived obviously, and when I left school tried to shut out the feelings I had for other boys and met a cute girl at work named Laura. We dated for 2 years and during that time I didn't fool with another boy at all, althought my naughty thoughts for boys grew stronger.

I met my first gay guy at the age of 22 (SERIOUSLY!) and soon realised that we were very alike. While we didn't fool around, we became good friends, we liked the same music, the same TV shows, and the same boys, and I was convinced to venture out and visit my first gay club.

That's when the real fun started, I broke up with my girlfriend, met a new social group of friends who accepted me for me. They really taught me alot about myself, and convinced me slowly but surely that it was ok to have those feelings for the opposite sex. My confidence and courage grew from there, although they did laugh at me when I told them I was bisexual. Yeah I know I held on for grim death to remain "normal", I simply didn't want to be different.

I moved to Queensland to really find myself and I most certainly did. A year past and I came back a completely different person - someone who had finally accepted who he was and loved himself.

So I came out to my friends, then my brother, then my mother (with the help of a couple of bottles of wine!) She cried, we cried, she told me she loved me unconditionally and that she kind of had a clue but didn't want to push me. My brother was the same, a straight, surfie 19 year old blokey bloke told me he loved me and didn't care and that if i ever had any trouble with people because of my sexuality that him and his mates would be there for me. (Pity he was only 13 when I had the pressure at school!) Both moments nearly make me cry just remembering them.

My father was similarly endearing although my mother rudely told him before I did. She thought it would of been too much of a shock for him if i had told him outright. He needed to process it a little she said. For months I couldn't look my father in the face knowing that he now knew that I liked c*ck. :-) While my father never asks me about my relationships (which hurts a little) it's good to know he still loves me and does anything for me. We used to go to the footy and I'd be up shouting at the umpires and he's comically turn to me and say "Are you sure son?" "sure of what dad?" Sure that you're gay? "Yep, as sure as you're straight." And then we'd down another beer.

So, while my parents accepted who I am and loved me unconditionally it was my new found friends that gave me the courage to accept myself.

Not surprisingly I am only friends with one girl from my high school years, the rest can go fuck themselves. I hope they think about me and feel absolutely awful about their treatment of the first gay guy they ever knew.

Sorry for the long winded, this is actually the first time i have ever written this experience down and I kind of just ran with it.

What a story. Hmm high school is a bitch like that. I still get that today.

Well I know everyone has been keen to hear mine.

OK. Well from a very young age I knew I was different from the other boys. I would play with all the matchbox cars and the dinosaurs and robots and all the 'boy' stuff but I felt like I wanted to play dress-ups and Barbie's too. I mean the gender roles were really enforced on me. So I was a very confused little kid. But I certainly did know that I had the biggest crush on Sailor Moon's man-friend, Prince Darien- I watched that show religiously. Being so young I couldn't define myself in terms of gay, straight and whatnot. Although during my childhood years I got the usual taunts from my father telling me to 'act like a boy', 'be a man' and so on. All of this when he caught me brushing my sister's Barbie's hair!!!

Yr 9 I really noticed that I was checking out other boys and I was coming to terms with it. Up and until then I was a devout Catholic but one religion lesson changed that. The topic of homosexuality was discussed and I have never experienced such a narrow-minded view. The whole class bar a few intellectual kids seemed to hate 'gays and lesbians'. Yr 10 I got out of that depression when I finally came to terms with myself. I was gay and that's that.

I firstly came out to my close friends as gay. The first being my 'fag hag'. Then I first fell in love with a boy at that age. He was straight but I had the nerve to tell him, thank gaud he never bashed me up. He assured me he would still be my friend. Rumours went around that this guy was bi. So he knew what people could do at our so called 'Catholic' school.

Then came my sister, lol, the first thing she said was 'I always knew bro'- I was laughing and crying at the same time. My cousins that I am very close with were next and they were very supportive of me. Then came my mum, a month after my 16th birthday. She told me the same thing: "I knew Genesis and I will always love you, you are my son". I remember crying because I was so terrified of being kicked out plus all the horrible coming out stories that I had heard about. My father was quite the opposite. I remember at least sitting a metre and a bit telling him, in case he lashed out at me. "Dad (Pa), I don't like girls; I like boys and I have always felt this way". "What? What did I just hear?". "I am gay Pa". "No, I don't believe it- you can change, if there is a will there is a way (he repeats this every so often when we fight)". "No, Pa I can't change". "Yes, you can, Genesis, God made Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve-being gay is a sin". At this point I was in tears cause I know how stubborn my father is. I just left him at that. And went out for a walk. Apparently my father was in tears. But what do I care. He has always belittled me. And me coming out has given him a better reason to belittle me even more. I have moved on, and my love for him has been replaced by a bitterness. I have always tried to make a relationship with him but my efforts are always in vain. he believes that I should sacrifice my happiness (being out) so that our family won't be talked about in the gossip circles of Filipinos, that I maintain the family name which is disgusting by the way and so that he can be happy and he can be proud. My father is a socialite and his reputation is everything. As you can see I'm quite bitter when it comes to my father. Other than out i do get the occasional 'fag' or 'poof' comment at school but I have been 100% out ever since telling my father. My relatives found out cause my father decided to be very dramatic and leave our home for 3 days right after I came out. So it went around I was gay and that is why he left. Though my relatives are very supportive of me and so are my friends.

That's it. I know its bit lengthy. I apologise but there is a lot to my coming out story.
P.S: My father still doesn't accept me as gay and believes I can change.

Quote:

Originally Posted by robbie

Well, ok, here's mine. I didn't actually come out and being to love myself until I was 23, when I had the courage to finally accept that I was very different from the other boys and that being gay was a-ok. My schooling years were a major cause of my late blooming.

I was playing with boys from the age of 16, although I thought this was a normal part of growing up and didn't think there was a name or stereotype for me - I still liked girls but also enjoyed the boys. I had this one spunky friend at school called Tom, and we played around now and then, and at a drunken house party when we were 16, we played around in the lounge room in complete darkness and silence with many friends laying all around us. Yes, very daring, I know.

Someone must have witness something because in the morning, the whispers turned into accussations and I was soon subject to threats from most of my so-called mates, of course I was the one who had supposedly molested Tom while he slept and he let everyone run with the story, the bastard. Within a week, the entire levels of year 11 and 12 knew and I was taunted every day until i graduated 18 months later with cruel gay jokes and at times, physical abuse and bullying. It was the most depressive period of my life and I began to honestly think that having feelings for other boys was evil.

I survived obviously, and when I left school tried to shut out the feelings I had for other boys and met a cute girl at work named Laura. We dated for 2 years and during that time I didn't fool with another boy at all, althought my naughty thoughts for boys grew stronger.

I met my first gay guy at the age of 22 (SERIOUSLY!) and soon realised that we were very alike. While we didn't fool around, we became good friends, we liked the same music, the same TV shows, and the same boys, and I was convinced to venture out and visit my first gay club.

That's when the real fun started, I broke up with my girlfriend, met a new social group of friends who accepted me for me. They really taught me alot about myself, and convinced me slowly but surely that it was ok to have those feelings for the opposite sex. My confidence and courage grew from there, although they did laugh at me when I told them I was bisexual. Yeah I know I held on for grim death to remain "normal", I simply didn't want to be different.

I moved to Queensland to really find myself and I most certainly did. A year past and I came back a completely different person - someone who had finally accepted who he was and loved himself.

So I came out to my friends, then my brother, then my mother (with the help of a couple of bottles of wine!) She cried, we cried, she told me she loved me unconditionally and that she kind of had a clue but didn't want to push me. My brother was the same, a straight, surfie 19 year old blokey bloke told me he loved me and didn't care and that if i ever had any trouble with people because of my sexuality that him and his mates would be there for me. (Pity he was only 13 when I had the pressure at school!) Both moments nearly make me cry just remembering them.

My father was similarly endearing although my mother rudely told him before I did. She thought it would of been too much of a shock for him if i had told him outright. He needed to process it a little she said. For months I couldn't look my father in the face knowing that he now knew that I liked c*ck. :-) While my father never asks me about my relationships (which hurts a little) it's good to know he still loves me and does anything for me. We used to go to the footy and I'd be up shouting at the umpires and he's comically turn to me and say "Are you sure son?" "sure of what dad?" Sure that you're gay? "Yep, as sure as you're straight." And then we'd down another beer.

So, while my parents accepted who I am and loved me unconditionally it was my new found friends that gave me the courage to accept myself.

Not surprisingly I am only friends with one girl from my high school years, the rest can go fuck themselves. I hope they think about me and feel absolutely awful about their treatment of the first gay guy they ever knew.

Sorry for the long winded, this is actually the first time i have ever written this experience down and I kind of just ran with it.

Thanks Robbie for sharing that. I'm sitting here in the library at school and I have tears running down my face. I'm so sorry that you had to go through all of that, but most of all, I wish my Mum had accepted me the way yours did. Maybe someday I'll go back to the states and try and look her up. Thanks for sharing that. I just wish my Dad had lived long enough for me to tell him. I know he would have still loved me.

Genesis,
Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sorry about your Dad. I hope he, like my Mum comes around someday. At least you can still live at home. It could be worse. Someday I hope coming out for all teens is no more traumatic than telling your folks to pass the salt.

My coming out story seems pretty fantastic in comparison to some of the heartbreaking stories I've just been reading about on here.
My friends had known for ages, since about year 8 at high school, my school is a very excepting place and there are quite a lot of other gay people in the school so I was pretty lenient with who I told and it became common knowledge around the school pretty quickly. I've never been abused or bullied about it or anything! Although I did once get a couple of derogatory comments at the Mardi Grass this year, of all places!

Hehe, my 'coming out to the parents' story is probably listed as one of the top ways NOT to come out to your parents: To try and change the subject!!
It was the last few days of term 3, year 10, and my mum is always forcing me to go to school on those last few days which I hate 'cause no one EVER turns up! Not even the teachers! So I decided to jig school for about the last 3 days, and on the last day I was up at a coffee shop near my house with one of my friends around midday, and I got a call from my mum sounding very angry telling me:
"The school just called and told me that you aren’t there today, and that you haven't been for the last three days and no explanation has been given, WHERE ARE YOU?" so I decided there was no way to get out of this and told her I was at the coffee shop and she told me to come home immediately.
Sooo... I got home and she started giving me this huge lecture on trust and how upset she was that I lied to her and ALL that kind of stuff... THAN she hit me with the punishment: telling me that I was grounded for the ENTIRE holidays!! I got so freaked about loosing my holidays that I stormed into my room and than suddenly realised there was only one way to get out of this one, so I stormed back in to the living room and sat down next to her and said" mum, I'm sorry that I lied to you, but while I’m being honest, I might as well tell you something else... I'm GAY"
And to that she just smiled and laughed and said "I know" and than we had this huge gossip about it, and what kind of man I want to marry and who I had crushes on a bla bla bla... it was fantastic! And she completely forgot about the grounding after that because she was so happy that I had come clean!
Anyway, than she told my dad and he was like "well duh" and it was all totally great from there!

I just wish that everyone else could have as excepting parents as I do. It makes me really sad to hear about how awful some of your experiences have been.

That's a GREAT coming out story. I'm so glad it worked out for you. Maybe someday my Mum will come around.

Once I realised that "Like, omg, I'm the one I want!", it all fell into place really. I haven't looked back since, except to check my reflection.

DerykKNY, that is the best one I've heard! Not that the rest of them aren't interesting, but that's the one I wish mine was like if I was able to re-do my coming out experience!

While nowhere near as traumatic as some of the others I've read here, it definitely could have been better.

I came out when I was 19 (nearly 30 now EEEK!) and mine came out like DerykKNY's, in a fight. It had been building up for a few months, as I had made friends with some of the local gay boys and drag queens (in Townsville) and she'd found out. Of course I denied it at first "No, Mum, I'm not gay but my friends are..." (Ahuh!) which she accepted... then it came up a few more times because she just didn't understand what I could have in common "with people like that" and didn't want my hanging around them to "turn me gay". Yep, she was pretty narrow minded back then.

Anyway, the tension built up for a few months and then I'd been seeing this boy Tim and one day while I was out, Tim thought he'd do me me a favor by visiting my Mum and outing me and my best friend at the time - nice huh? More about him later. Of course the denials came out at first - I was pretty used to them by then and had even told myself that I could change if I really really wanted to - and it died down again for a week or so I went out on the weekend and came home about 2 to Mum waiting up for me.

She asked where I'd been, I told her I'd been to a club with my friends and it started again, why was I friends with "those sort of people" etc and I guess I was sick of all the lying and just told her "Because I'm gay". She then went for the denials "it's just a phase", "You'll grow out of it" and "You just need to meet a nice girl"... but I got over it and went to bed. When I got up the next morning, I noticed that Mum and Dad's bedroom door was closed (which it NEVER was) and Dad came out to have breakfast with me, told me that Mum had told him what happened and had been up all night crying. My response was something like "Oh well, that's HER problem isn't it?". He explained that she was worried that I'd get AIDS and die, all of the usual small town crap. To his credit though, he said right from the start that he had no problem with it and that they'd always love me cos I as their son.

A few months later, I decided to leave Townsville and move to Sydney, I needed the space and thought my parents could definitely do with some as well. It turned out to be the best thing I ever did. While she still tried the "Have you met a nice girl yet?" comments for a little while, it was more of joke and I always responded with "Mum, it's not gonna happen so give up on that dream!"... She finally stopped that when they came to visit me in Sydney - I had moved in with my very first serious boyfriend so they kinda had to accept it.

That was almost 9 yrs ago now and I'm happy to say that I'm still with my lovely boy Gareth and that Mum and Dad have come to love and accept him as part of my life as much as I could hope them to. They've since moved down to Cessnock and we stay with them when we go up there and they come down and stay with us in Sydney. They've also spent loads of time with us and our friends - New Year's Eve this yr, they were with us and heaps of our gay (also some straight) friends on the harbour which was noice... like it had come full circle so I guess that's it!

So what happened to Tim, the evil outing boyfriend? Well, I collected all of his things that I had - a few books, cd's, a t shirt - and put it all in a shopping bag and left it all on his front doorstep. I also ripped out the page of my address book that contained his details and put that on the very top of the pile just to send a clear message that I never wanted to be in contact with him ever again. I saw him a few yrs later at The Wickham in Brissie... I pretended I didn't recognise him and proceeded to have a fantastic (and very gay) time, right in front of him!

My coming out was hideously embarrassing yet pretty cool at the same time

I was 18 and I dragged some stray home to my folks place one night after a club. We had the usual drunken 18 year old type of fuck when we got back to my place and evntually passed out in a drunken post coital stupor. Woke up the next morning and decided to put the morning hard ons to use and had another fuck and it was after this as we lay there in the after glow that I heard a strange tinny voice saying "Cheyne hang up the phone" - Yes sometime during our frenzied lust fest we had knocked the phone in my bedroom off the hook and my Mum had picked up the phone in the loungeroom to make a call and instead of getting a dial tone, she got the sounds of her son being roughly serviced by a complete stranger. The stray left via my bedroom window and I stayed in my room deciding whether or not my Mum would belive that a man crawled through my window and raped me. In the end i decided to just go face her and i went out , but before I could say anything Mum just smiled and said "Me and your dad arent stupid, we've known for years. That was it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheyne67

My coming out was hideously embarrassing yet pretty cool at the same time

I was 18 and I dragged some stray home to my folks place one night after a club. We had the usual drunken 18 year old type of fuck when we got back to my place and evntually passed out in a drunken post coital stupor. Woke up the next morning and decided to put the morning hard ons to use and had another fuck and it was after this as we lay there in the after glow that I heard a strange tinny voice saying "Cheyne hang up the phone" - Yes sometime during our frenzied lust fest we had knocked the phone in my bedroom off the hook and my Mum had picked up the phone in the loungeroom to make a call and instead of getting a dial tone, she got the sounds of her son being roughly serviced by a complete stranger. The stray left via my bedroom window and I stayed in my room deciding whether or not my Mum would belive that a man crawled through my window and raped me. In the end i decided to just go face her and i went out , but before I could say anything Mum just smiled and said "Me and your dad arent stupid, we've known for years. That was it.

I love it. They handled it well I would say. :-)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cheetah77

DerykKNY, that is the best one I've heard! Not that the rest of them aren't interesting, but that's the one I wish mine was like if I was able to re-do my coming out experience!

While nowhere near as traumatic as some of the others I've read here, it definitely could have been better.

I came out when I was 19 (nearly 30 now EEEK!) and mine came out like DerykKNY's, in a fight. It had been building up for a few months, as I had made friends with some of the local gay boys and drag queens (in Townsville) and she'd found out. Of course I denied it at first "No, Mum, I'm not gay but my friends are..." (Ahuh!) which she accepted... then it came up a few more times because she just didn't understand what I could have in common "with people like that" and didn't want my hanging around them to "turn me gay". Yep, she was pretty narrow minded back then.

Anyway, the tension built up for a few months and then I'd been seeing this boy Tim and one day while I was out, Tim thought he'd do me me a favor by visiting my Mum and outing me and my best friend at the time - nice huh? More about him later. Of course the denials came out at first - I was pretty used to them by then and had even told myself that I could change if I really really wanted to - and it died down again for a week or so I went out on the weekend and came home about 2 to Mum waiting up for me.

She asked where I'd been, I told her I'd been to a club with my friends and it started again, why was I friends with "those sort of people" etc and I guess I was sick of all the lying and just told her "Because I'm gay". She then went for the denials "it's just a phase", "You'll grow out of it" and "You just need to meet a nice girl"... but I got over it and went to bed. When I got up the next morning, I noticed that Mum and Dad's bedroom door was closed (which it NEVER was) and Dad came out to have breakfast with me, told me that Mum had told him what happened and had been up all night crying. My response was something like "Oh well, that's HER problem isn't it?". He explained that she was worried that I'd get AIDS and die, all of the usual small town crap. To his credit though, he said right from the start that he had no problem with it and that they'd always love me cos I as their son.

A few months later, I decided to leave Townsville and move to Sydney, I needed the space and thought my parents could definitely do with some as well. It turned out to be the best thing I ever did. While she still tried the "Have you met a nice girl yet?" comments for a little while, it was more of joke and I always responded with "Mum, it's not gonna happen so give up on that dream!"... She finally stopped that when they came to visit me in Sydney - I had moved in with my very first serious boyfriend so they kinda had to accept it.

That was almost 9 yrs ago now and I'm happy to say that I'm still with my lovely boy Gareth and that Mum and Dad have come to love and accept him as part of my life as much as I could hope them to. They've since moved down to Cessnock and we stay with them when we go up there and they come down and stay with us in Sydney. They've also spent loads of time with us and our friends - New Year's Eve this yr, they were with us and heaps of our gay (also some straight) friends on the harbour which was noice... like it had come full circle so I guess that's it!

So what happened to Tim, the evil outing boyfriend? Well, I collected all of his things that I had - a few books, cd's, a t shirt - and put it all in a shopping bag and left it all on his front doorstep. I also ripped out the page of my address book that contained his details and put that on the very top of the pile just to send a clear message that I never wanted to be in contact with him ever again. I saw him a few yrs later at The Wickham in Brissie... I pretended I didn't recognise him and proceeded to have a fantastic (and very gay) time, right in front of him!

I love the part about putting all of Tim's stuff at this is doorstep. That's classy!!! I hope he saw what he missed out on.

Jon