My theory goes like this. Gay men don't want gay male friends. They are very happy having acquaintences who they drink and party with but not true friends. They have fuck buddies, party buddies, drinking buddies but not friends. There are always people around to share a laugh with but it seems to me that these so called friendships are very superficial and fical. I wonder whether they reserve closer relationships for hags?

Why? Or is it just that they think that those relationships are friendships? Or is it me? Am I just not willing to accept such superficiality?

I just counted the number of phone numbers I have for gay male 'friends' I have in my phone. Out of the 34 guys I would say that less than 5 have called me in the last 6 months just to say hi and see how I was. And possibly only two or three has ever suggested we catch up properly rather than go out to a club or pub.

Ofcourse the theory might just be wrong and I could be an unfriendly freak who smells strangley like dead mouse causing most guys to avoid me.

Has anyone else noticed this? I am very happy to be proven wrong and secretly hope that someone can.

okay so i did the same thing here are my results ...

34 Gay Businessmen and Business contacts ...
6 F**k buddies one of whom i see regular (like in the last 3 months)
32 Clubber friends
29 poofs i do breakfast, breakfast lunch, art openings and theatre with
5 i would class as besties
2 undecided

I have those I call to speak to every day or every second day. Family that I talk to every once in a while when shit hits the fan and I need the wisdom of experience. Mates that are good for a fun time or a coffee and chat, and then there was the ever present football player rapist they were all in love with dying they were doing it in texas.

I don't mind the sun sometimes the images it shows
I can taste you on my lips and smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and sugary and softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look through other people's eyes

I have only one thing to say - us fag hags rock

I've just always found it easier to talk to girls about how I'm doing, and have always had a strong base of girlfriends from before I came out. More recently though I have found the benefit of gay mates, but have realised, that we never really talked. If we did it was quickly dismissed with the call "who wants another drink". I am a pretty open book with my issues and even after blurting them out, the usual response is "Oh"! Which is when I make a joke about it and move the convo on!

Males in general find it difficult to talk about their feelings as it makes us feel weak. Since we don't want to look weak to potential "mates" then we keep it superficial! Even looking at the relationship with my ex that was quite superficial! I used my hags for support!

And yes Fag hags do rock!

Hmmm except (In my case) it isn't a problem I have with straight male friends. In fact my straight boys are caring, affectionate, protective, and interested in maintaining real friendships not just drinking buddy status.

i completely disagree, at least in my case. i have some beautifully complex, rock solid friendships with gay men, who are very much part of my family.

sure, we all have superficial relationships in our lives to a certain extent - you have to, you can have depth with everyone (unless you either have a lot of time on your hands or a very small social circle)...

so i don't think you should "accept such superficiality" because if you want more, it is out there. you just need to find deserving people.

You are right about not "accepting superficiality" and finding deserving people. Completely agree. I suppose my opinion is a matter of age, circumstance and trust issues, that have not been conducive to strong Male friendships straight or gay. This is something I want to work on this year, by being more open to new friendships and trying new things. Having said that you can't put a timeframe on finding love or friendship.

You've designed your life to ensure that your gay male friends are superficially distant to you out of a fear of competing for trade with them????

I have quite a few gay male friends that I dont fuck. A few I catch up with regularly for drinks or DVD and Pizza and blah blah...there is one who I drink with and on the odd occasion we may fool about.

I get on well with most people...straight guys are fun to hang out with too as long as they are not insisting on going to see the strippers...then again I get that more from my dyke mates.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rudeboy86

I have quite a few gay male friends that I dont fuck. A few I catch up with regularly for drinks or DVD and Pizza and blah blah...there is one who I drink with and on the odd occasion we may fool about.

I get on well with most people...straight guys are fun to hang out with too as long as they are not insisting on going to see the strippers...then again I get that more from my dyke mates.

I especially love my straight guy friends. They ask me dopey questions like 'Is doggy style the only way you can get fucked?'

Straight mates are funny like that. It's more when you meet their other mates or when one of my hags introduces me to another one of her girls and I get asked for blowjob advice or anything else...I'm not even gonna go there but it usually is when I am pulled aside and I hear "Hey can I ask you a personal question..." or "hey umm...can I ask you....etc"

I usually want to laugh but I dont want to hurt the poor girl's feelings. Hahaha.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Asherbella

You've designed your life to ensure that your gay male friends are superficially distant to you out of a fear of competing for trade with them????

Shit, that came out of left field. Is it really a question? I doubt he'd agree with you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by eleven 11

Shit, that came out of left field. Is it really a question? I doubt he'd agree with you.

I realized that I kept some of my close gay male mates at distance because, in the same social circles, we were competing for other gay male attention at the bars....my insecurity, I know, I thought that may apply to Camesita in this situation, too....

...I communicated this fear to one friend in particular and it really cleared the air. Having slept with this close friend in the past brought out 'I can have who you want coz you no longer want me' dynamic in our friendship, but now we respect one anothers' space when one of us is in 'cruise' mode at Manacle....we are such good friends, having that conversation really solidified our relationship....

Quote:

Originally Posted by Asherbella

I realized that I kept some of my close gay male mates at distance because, in the same social circles, we were competing for other gay male attention at the bars....my insecurity, I know, I thought that may apply to Camesita in this situation, too....

ah ok, I've never thought about that. I only have ugly friends.

My oldest friend is gay, but that's quite incidental to us being friends....we came out to each other at the same time.

He's it. The only other gay friends I have at all are online. The guy I used to call my best friend was only that when we were getting trashed 4 nights a week, and now doesn't call me unless he's looking for money or drugs, or when the people he's already out with bore him and he needs to be entertained.

I don't go to bars with the intention to pick up, so never had that problem, most of the time I only go to the strip with the intent of seeing friends and having a good time.

MM, most of mine are ex F buddies who text at the most innapropriate times, I still get texts from some months and months ago...

I do have a couple of gay male friends in London though we only know each other from hooking up first.

Quote:

Originally Posted by eleven 11

Shit, that came out of left field. Is it really a question? I doubt he'd agree with you.

I only have sexy friends. That way we only attract other sexy guys who are in our league...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Asherbella

I only have sexy friends. That way we only attract other sexy guys who are in our league...

You well know that out of two hot guys, you will want one way more than the other. Competing is therefore a waste of time. Beauty, and sexy, is in the eye of the beholder. Btw, my friends aren't really ugly. Specially if they read this XXXX

I disagree with th ethreory, sorry camista.

I am, and know heaps of friends to offer as counter-examples. And this is comming from someone who hasn't stayed in the same city for more than a few years at a time.

I certainly would have agreed with you if you inserted the word "some" in to the second sentence of your initial post.

Quote:

Originally Posted by eleven 11

You well know that out of two hot guys, you will want one way more than the other. Competing is therefore a waste of time. Beauty, and sexy, is in the eye of the beholder. Btw, my friends aren't really ugly. Specially if they read this XXXX

What seals the deal is eye contact & the non-verbal gestures of attraction. The way a man looks at you, how he holds his space and creates the mood - not necessarily physical hotness. I get physical hotness at Bodyline. But in a bar the determining factor is manoevrability.....the fluid motions of absolute seduction & heat....

Quote:

Originally Posted by weathervain

I don't go to bars with the intention to pick up, so never had that problem, most of the time I only go to the strip with the intent of seeing friends and having a good time.

How does being a passive voeyuer to your friends' 'good time' satisfy your need to feel wanted by the random & spontaneous advances of devastatingly sexy trade who'd like to pummel your arse into next week?

How could such a low expectation possibly satisfy you?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Asherbella

You've designed your life to ensure that your gay male friends are superficially distant to you out of a fear of competing for trade with them????

I find this rude. To judge so effortlessly Asher. Camiseta is simply starting a conversation. He's not asking to be judged, but requesting people share similar thoughts on similar incidents.

This took some time, but I was interested in my results.

In my phone I have:

129 friends. Interestingly, I don't think phone numbers are as important as they once were, with facebook and all. My list has dwindled over the years from lack of contact and also from losing multiple phones and no contact.. a great way to cull numbers! I went through a clubbing phase where I would save everyone's number that I met.

From those 129. 37 Females, only 1 of them is gay, 92 are males - 1 is my brother. 1 is my father. 6 are work colleagues. 1 is my massage therapist. 1 is my GP.
From the 82 males left - 33 are straight, 49 are gay.
I have slept with13 males (oh my, I didn't think it would be that high, but I'm friends with 9 of those and most of those incidents/r'ships happened years ago) The other 4 are from waaay back shags, and I've just deleted 3 of them, lol.
I have also slept with 2 females in my phone. (so last century but we're still friends)
From the total of 129 - 10 I have not spoken to in the past 6 months. A further 7 in the last year. 9 of them I've met in the past 6 months. (As some leave, some move in!)

From those 49 gay males, I consider 4 of them to be my besties. True friends I can rely on for anything. 2 of them live in Melbourne, 1 in Sydney (although he's originally from Adelaide) , and 1 on the Gold Coast.

I enjoyed that. I think I have a good balance. I had no idea of my splits before just now.

Camiseta, can I ask how many of those 32 males have YOU contacted in the last 6 months for a catch up? Why don't you just delete those people from your phone if you think they're not worthy?

Quote:

Originally Posted by robbie

I find this rude. To judge so effortlessly Asher. Camiseta is simply starting a conversation. He's not asking to be judged, but requesting people share similar thoughts on similar incident

Thank you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by robbie

Camiseta, can I ask how many of those 32 males have YOU contacted in the last 6 months for a catch up? Why don't you just delete those people from your phone if you think they're not worthy?

I have contacted 21 of the 34 in the last 6 months.

If I delete them all.....then what have I got left?

I am trying to collect more. I am going to two parties on the weekend that sound like they are small intimate gatherings where I can meet people. I'm just getting fatigued by the all the flakes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Asherbella

How does being a passive voeyuer to your friends' 'good time' satisfy your need to feel wanted by the random & spontaneous advances of devastatingly sexy trade who'd like to pummel your arse into next week?

How could such a low expectation possibly satisfy you?

I'm an empath, but besides that, there's barely anything worth taking home on there, if I was going to try and pick up I'd do it at the Rattler to ensure I wasn't woken in a fuscia themed room by kylie remixes and a strange voice saying "How do you take your latte' "

Most of the time when I'm out on the strip I feel like the timber wolf on the krusty the clown show, my friends are the only thing that keeps me from flipping out and socking everyone starting with the DJ. Although I do have fun sometimes at Palms or when one of my mates puts on a night at Gilligans and my other mates perform. Other than that the monotony does my head in.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Asherbella

You've designed your life to ensure that your gay male friends are superficially distant to you out of a fear of competing for trade with them????

Its not like that at all... my gay "friends" were all friends of my ex and some ex f buddies. All of which now live in another state. I have never competed with them for "trade". There are other factors at play as to why male relationships struggle to be formed! I think its called Father Issues!!! My life is not as black and white as yours seems to be!

Quote:

Originally Posted by robbie

I find this rude. To judge so effortlessly Asher. Camiseta is simply starting a conversation. He's not asking to be judged, but requesting people share similar thoughts on similar incidents.

This took some time, but I was interested in my results.

In my phone I have:

129 friends. Interestingly, I don't think phone numbers are as important as they once were, with facebook and all. My list has dwindled over the years from lack of contact and also from losing multiple phones and no contact.. a great way to cull numbers! I went through a clubbing phase where I would save everyone's number that I met.

From those 129. 37 Females, only 1 of them is gay, 92 are males - 1 is my brother. 1 is my father. 6 are work colleagues. 1 is my massage therapist. 1 is my GP.
From the 82 males left - 33 are straight, 49 are gay.
I have slept with13 males (oh my, I didn't think it would be that high, but I'm friends with 9 of those and most of those incidents/r'ships happened years ago) The other 4 are from waaay back shags, and I've just deleted 3 of them, lol.
I have also slept with 2 females in my phone. (so last century but we're still friends)
From the total of 129 - 10 I have not spoken to in the past 6 months. A further 7 in the last year. 9 of them I've met in the past 6 months. (As some leave, some move in!)

From those 49 gay males, I consider 4 of them to be my besties. True friends I can rely on for anything. 2 of them live in Melbourne, 1 in Sydney (although he's originally from Adelaide) , and 1 on the Gold Coast.

I enjoyed that. I think I have a good balance. I had no idea of my splits before just now.

Camiseta, can I ask how many of those 32 males have YOU contacted in the last 6 months for a catch up? Why don't you just delete those people from your phone if you think they're not worthy?

The truth is close friends are close friends regardless of sexuality.