Welsh Rugby Union legend, 35 year-old Gareth Thomas has publically announced in an interview with the UK’s Daily Mirror that he is gay. He expressed the despair, agony and guilt of keeping the secret of his sexuality from the world, his family and his wife Jemma. He also spoke of how guilt and depression led him to contemplate suicide, and about his fear of being known as just a ‘gay rugby player’.

Thomas is a former British, Irish and Welsh captain, and a highly regarded international sportsman. Ninth in the Test try-scoring list of all-time, Thomas is also Wales’ most-capped player with 100 appearances.

He admitted to knowing he was gay from the age of 16.

“I could never accept it because I knew I would never be accepted as a gay man and still achieve what I wanted to achieve in the game,” he said.

“I became a master of disguise and could play the straight man down to a tee, sometimes over-compensating by getting into fights or being overly aggressive because I didn’t want the real me to be found out.”

Thomas married his wife Jemma in 2002. The couple suffered through 3 reported miscarriages before separating in 2006. Their divorce is yet to be completely finalised.

“It was such a confusing time because I had amazingly strong feelings for her, yet I knew I had taken who I was and put it in a little ball and pushed it in a corner,” Thomas said.

“I used to pray as hard as I could. I would say to God: ‘I have Jemma, I love her. Please take away these feelings that I have’.”

With his marriage falling apart and the pressure growing from the secrets he was hiding, Thomas finally broke down in the locker room after a game in 2006, confessing to a coach, Scott Johnson. Johnson wrangled support for the broken player from his closest team mates Martyn Williams and Stephen Jones.

“They came in, patted me on the back and said ‘We don’t care’… Two of my best mates in rugby didn’t even blink an eyelid,” Thomas said.

Gareth Thomas has since told all his team mates at Cardiff Blues and it has not caused a problem.

“I am a man. I just happen to be gay. It’s irrelevant. What I choose to do when I close the door at home has nothing to do with what I have achieved in rugby. It’s pretty tough for me being the only international rugby player prepared to break the taboo,” he said.

“It’s been really tough for me, hiding who I really am, and I don’t want it to be like that for the next young person who wants to play rugby, or some frightened young kid.”

“Statistically, I can’t be the only one, but I’m not aware of any other gay player still in the game… I’d love for it, in 10 years’ time, not to even be an issue in sport, and for people to say: ‘So what?”’