18 months after New Jersey teenager Tyler Clementi (pictured) took his own life, his older brother – also gay – has opened up about his memories of Tyler in heartbreaking open letters.

In the talented student’s final hours, he discovered he had been filmed by his roommate having sex with another man and the footage was broadcast over the internet.

News of Clementi’s death spread quickly in September 2010, becoming one of the highest profile cases of cyber bullying and fueling the It Gets Better phenomenon.

Now Tyler’s older brother James has paid tribute to his sibling, saying he admired him for coming out years earlier than he did, misses his violin playing, and telling how difficult his death was to come to terms with.

Particularly poignant was seeing his bother on the cover of a magazine only a week after his passing. “How am I supposed to respond to seeing you on People?” he wondered. “It’s a lot to digest, you being a celebrity and all. I always knew you would make it big – I just thought you’d be around to enjoy it.”

“I guess I never really told you how much I admire you,” James wrote to Tyler. “How much I wish I was more like you. We came from the same gene pool, the same family, the same town, the same schools, the same church, everything the same. But I always saw a confidence and strength in you that I didn’t recognize in myself.

“When I imagined your future, I saw the world at your feet. You were supposed to show me up, do it better than I could. I wanted that for you.”

His letters conclude: “You are blood, my connection to the past, and my hope for the future. You are beauty, fleeting and marvelous. I know there was pain, and I’m sorry for that, but you were joy, too. Your voice, your smile, tiny hands clinging to mine. I will never let go.”

James’ letters to his brother are published in full on Out magazine’s website here.

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