Well folks, we’ve drawn the winner to our Mardi Ha competition. We’d love to tell you who won, but given that we asked you all to share your most embarrassing moments with us, they probably wouldn’t appreciate us making that public.
However, we couldn’t resist sharing a few of the funniest stories with you. One of these was the winning entry. We’re gonna let you decide which one you like the most.
I was getting into my mum’s van and I fell under the wheel. She ran over me, I screamed and she reversed back over me.
I once tried to adjust my girlfriend’s top onstage at the Old Exchange. The zip split and the whole top popped right open in front of about 200 people. She killed me! I just tried to cover her up.
It was the day I realised I was gay. My girlfriend that I was seeing at the time asked me to go down on her and I was about 1 inch from her vagina and I got a whiff of a god awful smell. I threw up all over her stomach! From that point I knew cock was for me.
The time I went to primary school with my pyjamas under my school uniform. I’m still embarrassed just thinking about it.
Being mistaken for a tree and being peed on by a dog whilst sitting in the park meditating…
When I was 16 I super-glued my nipple to my shirt and my grandfather had to use solvent to get it unstuck, ripping the skin off in the process. NICE.
Having a debate with my cousin walking along the street, proving I was ‘right’. At which point I then ran smack bang into a pole.
When learning sign language while working with deaf actors, I kept signing “relax”. Weeks later, one actor informed me that I was signing “go naked”.
Picture this: gym, post workout, putting on my strides. Funny look from bloke nearby – I’d managed to accidentally put on his undies without noticing!
It’s breakfast, the kitchen is packed with my new bf’s family, their dog comes running in with the night’s used condom in his mouth.
When I was four I played with my brothers poo thinking it was playdoh. My mum told me what it was and I threw it at the wall in disgust. I then spent the next 45 minutes scrubbing my hand with soap.
I went to the wrong Greek wedding. I tried to leave in the middle of it but my friend’s handbag got caught in the join of the seat. We were the only blondes with green outfits and we ended up in all their bridal videos and photography.
When I walked up to the stage in front of 1,000 people to do the opening night of a play, forgot the first line and accidentally blurted out “oh fuck!”
While swimming in the hotel pool, I emptied sand from my cossies. At dinner I noticed that the entire restaurant wall was the deep end of the pool.
Had a multi-million dollar settlement attended by 20 notable bankers, lawyers, investors, advisers and myself acting for my client… during the settlement I farted out loud in the conference room.
Most embarrassing moment – coming face to face with my youngest daughter on my way home from Inquisition with my now husband – resplendent in our best leather gear. “Hi Dad!”
Me: Mum, recently I’ve been coming to terms with the fact I’m attracted to guys.
Awkward silence.
Mother: Aren’t you supposed to be neat then?
Jumping out of a hotel bathroom naked shouting “ta da!” because I thought room service had left – they hadn’t!
Same Same and The Comedy Store are teaming up to put the ‘Ha’ back into Mardi Gras this year with Mardi Ha, a showcase of some of the best gay comedians in Australia.
The line up includes the deliciously awkward Hannah Gadsby, the masterfully silly Anthony Menchetti, Triple J newcomer Tom Ballard, and filthy fork tongued angel Rhys Nicholson.
Mardi Ha runs Tuesday – Saturday nights from 9 – 20 Feb, 2010 at The Comedy Store, The Entertainment Quarter Building 207/ 122 Lang Rd Moore Park. Tickets start at $10. To buy yours, click here.
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