God Loves You
This month, in honour of the Pope’s imminent arrival, we’re taking a look at religion from a number of different angles. This week psychologist Paul Martin asks us to remember that there are many paths to spiritual fulfillment.
The imminent arrival of the Pope is likely to conjure up a great deal of emotion for most of us in the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender communities – and it goes well beyond the fact that his red Papal shoes clash badly with the detail in those high camp robes!
The outdated, black and white, homophobic beliefs that are regularly espoused as ‘God’s words’ have directly led to a great deal of unnecessary human suffering. They’ve contributed to a society where for many of us there is much self-loathing, depression, suicide and other psychological conflicts. These are torturous issues for many gays and lesbians who have been brought up in religious environments. A great deal of the fundamentalist religious propaganda attempts to manipulate people through negative emotions, like shame and guilt. It’s a very effective way of getting people to believe in stuff that is unbelievably stupid.
As you know, I’m a psychologist at a gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender psychological wellbeing centre. In my line of work I, all too often, see the devastation caused by those who have been strongly influenced by these destructive beliefs. The damage from these experiences can be extremely significant and can have long-term negative consequences including depression, anxiety, shame, self-anger and low self-esteem. And then there are those who decide to get married to try and escape these feelings. I have heard too many stories of religious families who have rejected their gay son or daughter, only to find out later that they’ve committed suicide as a result, having drowned in a sea of shame and trauma.
Unfortunately when spouting their ridiculous ranting, many religious bigots quote directly from the Bible to justify these attitudes. According to more enlightened people, such as Bishop Spong, the wording of the Bible that we have is infact wrong. Many theologians have challenged much of the original interpretation from ancient Greek, and in this way, have said quite strongly that the Bible does not condemn a loving relationship between two men or two women.
To make things worse, many Church groups have sprung up, promising that they can “re-orient” gay people. Turning someone straight is as likely as your grandmother winning a lesbian lubricant wrestling competition. In my early twenties I co-led a hideous ex-gay organisation called Exodus. The only positive thing I saw happen in this group was that several people met their same-sex life partners whilst trying to ‘re-orient’ themselves. Fortunately I recognised this group’s futility, as well as the damage it was doing, and I left. I gave up Fundamentalist Christianity for lent and never looked back!
There is a great difference between the extreme forms of fundamentalism in religion and the more intelligent, sophisticated and balanced liberal perspectives of some other church groups, and the men and women within them. I have had many wonderful conversations with those in Metropolitan Community Churches who do a wonderful job at offering a safe and accepting space for GLBT Christians.
If you’ve been brought up in a fundamentalist religious background, you will probably have had endless gigabytes of crap downloaded into your head throughout your life. The problem with this is that without knowing it, these bizarre ideas become part of your belief system and this plays a huge role in how you respond to important things in life. The trick is to identify these unconscious beliefs and aspects of your personality, and to challenge them with new ways of reacting and thinking.
Reading books, talking to understanding and knowledgeable people and having new experiences, like spending time in a non-Christian country, can be great ways of really challenging those deeply held beliefs. Reading books can really help too – they can be incredibly helpful and can put your mind at rest. I heartily recommend Bishop Spong’s book, Living In Sin. The book Inside Out, edited by Erin shale, has a great chapter by a Catholic priest called John. I have also written a few pages in this book about my own experiences growing up in a Christian environment. There is also a wonderful internet support group led by Anthony Venn-Brown the author of A Life of Unlearning called Freedom2b.
Actively challenging deeply held beliefs makes it much easier to come to a place of inner peace and self-acceptance. Having a good understanding of the type of spirituality that is right for you, and not one that pleases your family or people you grow up with, is also incredibly important. Remember, here are many paths to feeling spiritually fulfilled.
Amen!
Other articles in the religion series:
The Burning Times Revisited.
Constant Cravings.
Devil Or Delusion?
Your Thoughts
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darrard
said on the 12th Jul, 2008