Are You On The Winning Team?
August is Winners And Losers month on Same Same. As the curtain falls on the 2008 Olympic Games, psychologist Paul Martin takes a moment to reflect about winning and losing, and asks the question, “What would you attempt if you knew you couldn’t fail?”
Whether you want to be the best gay parent you can be, start a new business, or make the campest pikelets for a big gay Bake Off, winning and achievement is all about developing self awareness, having the tools to challenge yourself along the way and having supportive, fabulous people around you. It’s also about dealing well with the failures that we’ll no doubt have along the way.
When it comes to the dynamics of winning and personal achievement, there are few examples that can match Matthew Mitcham’s gold medal winning performance on the weekend. He’s an outstanding role model, particularly for the young members of our community, and shows just what we can achieve when we really commit and focus. It was so moving, looking into the eyes of Matthew from the screen of my TV, as he absorbed the impact of the moment – he’d achieved a life-long dream. Although very few people in the world come close to the elite athlete place that Matthew is in, we can all still learn from people like this and apply the same principles to our own lives and goals.
When it comes to real achievement, one of the first things we have to deal with is putting off instant gratification. How many times have you found yourself asking, “Should I sit here watching re-runs of I Dream of Jeannie, or should I hop on the treadmill at the gym?” It’s important to develop the ability in many moments to say no to what we really feel like doing, and keep our eye on the prize. When I don’t feel like doing something that I know I should be doing, I always try to remember that when it comes to excuses, not feeling like doing something is the worst of them all.
Matthew also demonstrates the importance of living outside of our comfort zones. It is way too easy to live in a way that is ‘comfortable.’ For most people, the longer you stay in that place, the more you risk ending up in a rut or a holding pattern. As a psychologist, one of the key things I emphasise is the importance of coping effectively with discomfort. Think back to anything you’ve relatively significant that you’ve achieved in your life. There would have been many uncomfortable moments, but you somehow pushed on through.
Of course sometimes, despite our best efforts, we fail, and it’s important to deal with these moments effectively. Stories of success are always out there for us to see, but we often don’t see the failure that’s been experienced along the way. Developing resilience, and improving our sense of self worth is essential, so that we can pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and keep going. We’re all human, we all have weaknesses and insecurities and inevitably, as we work towards achieving our goals, they’ll get thrown in our face.
So many of us have bitter childhood memories, like being picked last for a sporting team at school, or not doing so well academically and being humiliated by teachers or peers. These are deeply emotional and can have a massive long term effect on how we perceive ourselves. We can feel defective, or like a complete failure. They can often become deeply held beliefs, and can hold people back. Every time someone in this position feels like they might fail they can get scared and in the end they avoid doing anything. Often when these people do take a risk they can become overwhelmed by anxiety and self-doubt.
Just recognising these beliefs and observing how they affect you can be very powerful. Challenging the irrational thoughts is the next step. If you suffer from negative thinking take the time to write it all down, then leave it for a while. Come back to it later when you’re feeling a little better, sit down with these thoughts and challenge them as though someone else had said them.
When we reflect deeply about our goals, making sure they are an expression of who we are and not just what others want us to be, and we take small steps over a long period of time, it’s incredible what we can all achieve. Things really start to move once the limitations and doubt in your head is constantly being challenged and you take risks, stay out of your comfort zone and work towards our goals. Ask yourself, What would you attempt if you knew you couldn’t fail? Talk to any old person about regret and they won’t talk about the things they did, they’ll talk about the things that they didn’t do.
Who do you think is a winner?
Who do you think is a loser?
Photos: 1. Cathy Freeman, 2. Matthew Mitcham, 3. Bishop Gene Robinson, 4. Ian Roberts, 5. Liza Minelli.
Your Thoughts
Hey there, you need to be logged in to get involved with SameSame, click here to login if you're already a member, or here if you need to become a new member.
SPD68
said on the 6th Sep, 2008