What do these three words have in common? Well, they all start with P. But they also prove the old saying: “what goes up, must come down.” There are a wide variety of reactions to the ‘coming down day’ after a big dance party if chemicals have played a part. These can range from “I feel a little flat” to “honey where is that do-it-yourself euthanasia book?” Post Mardi Gras and after Big Gay Day is a time where many a queen and dyke will be grappling with the good old come down.

Taking drugs is usually all about exaggeration. On the night and recovery, the chemicals in your brain can provide hours of delirious pleasure and allow you to do things you normally couldn’t or perhaps wouldn’t. For many people, the coming down bit is where the negative things become just as exaggerated. This can include varying levels of emotions including anxiety, depression and paranoia for the next day or two. As an example, the next day, rather than reflecting on the positive moments from the night, you may find your brain starts scanning for embarrassing things you did. Shame can give way to anxiety and you can get what I call in psychological clinical jargon, “oh-my-God-itis”. This is when you look back and say to yourself, “oh my god, I can’t believe I touched up university lecturer’s partner in front of him just before my exams!”

When coming down, your perception of life often does not reflect reality.

This cold sweating anxiety may then be followed by the brain’s attempt to add to the stress by dragging up old stuff from the “past experiences from hell” filing cabinet in your head. Things that normally may seem difficult, unpleasant, embarrassing or annoying, suddenly take on the exaggerated form of being absolute disasters. This can lead to depression. It is very easy at this time to completely lose perspective on your life.

It is important when coming down to develop another part of your brain that can be your internal observer and counsellor, you could even call it something butch such as “The Doris Within”. The most important thing to do is to take a step outside of yourself and observe what is going on more objectively. When you start having thoughts that are extremely negative and you are about to react to them in a way that you may regret later, call on Doris. Take a step outside of yourself and talk yourself through it. “Hey listen, you are thinking these thoughts only because the chemistry in your brain has turned your perception of life into a B-grade 1970’s psycho-drama.”

If you can force yourself, write down your thoughts. It is better to get the nasty ones out of your head, rather than leave them spiralling down inside of you. Come back to the list a little later and get the Doris from within to challenge the irrational stuff you wrote down, along the lines of “how is it that your whole life is shit? And even if you did some bizarre stuff on the night, how does that take away your positive qualities? Remember honey, everyone else was just as shit faced as you, so you weren’t the centre of attention that you think you were.”

Because your brain is getting you back for having too much of a good time, you may also find that you have mood swings. You can become snappy, and a little unpleasant to be around. If you have a partner, you may finish the night or recovery day with sensual massaging and wondrous sex, however, in a matter of hours, your mind can be going through that filing cabinet, looking for weaknesses in your relationship or things that annoy you about them and again exaggerate these things so that they become intolerable. Keep it firmly in mind that all negative things are often artificially exaggerated, and that your mind is distorting reality, focusing on shit and ignoring any positives. It is often wise to just get the Doris within to help you put it on hold until you have finished coming down. “How were you feeling about the relationship last week?” is a good one to ask. Not only is your perception of the issue probably quite off-tap, but your ability to deal with the confrontation is probably non-existent. If you are the one being confronted, remind yourself that the other person is coming down and encourage them to put it off for a couple of days.

One of the most important things about coming down is preparation. During the week, buy things that will make the next day tolerable and even pleasant. You will probably have no appetite, but at the same time your body is most likely also crying out for nutrients. It could be wise to see a gay or gay friendly naturopath, and also ask about products that may assist your immune system, and possibly some herbal sedatives for potential anxiety. Protein drinks with vitamins can also help.

If you find that you suffer from extreme anxiety or depression, or are HIV positive, it may be wise to see your gay / gay friendly doctor before the party and be honest with them about your what drugs you are going to do. They are not in the habit of judging you and can provide you with some useful advice.

People are more likely to engage in unprotected sex when they are off their tits or are depressed, so prepare yourself for the potential that you are more likely to do this. Coming down is bad enough let alone with the thought that you might now be HIV positive after a night of passion. If you haven’t heard of PEP, please get in touch with your state HIV/AIDS council or your gay friendly GP and they can tell you all about it. It is a tablet that isn’t fool proof, but is for some a way of minimising the risk of HIV infection if taken less than 72 hours after unsafe activity.

Research seems to be suggesting that regular and increasingly high use of drugs such as ecstasy over a long period of time may cause depression in later life. This type of biochemical depression may be one that requires constant medication and may be quite debilitating. I guess it boils down to the advice you were no doubt given as a kid: “everything in moderation dear.” Although I’m not sure they were thinking of ecstasy and special K at the time.

The coming down day can be made very tolerable by making it a day of self-pampering. A bath or spa with essential oils, massage and good safe bonk. Also to distract the mind from torturous thoughts it may be useful to borrow videos the night before to watch that day. Make sure you get titles that are as deeply intense and philosophical as Shrek 2 and not films set in a Central European winter that will leave you feeling crushed. Whilst sadness is an important emotion to express when your head is not filled with chemicals, it may easily fall into depression if you are coming down.

Make your coming down day as pleasant as humanly possible and remember that it will only be a matter of days and you’ll be back to your normal self!

Paul Martin is the Principal Psychologist for the Centre For Human Potential in Queensland. He was also one of the 2008 Same Same 25, Australia’s most influential gay and lesbian Australians.