At some time in our lives we will all have an ex or be somebody’s ex.
Breaking up can be hard and traumatic – but dealing with the fallout, seeing the ex around and having to deal with moving on can be even harder than the break up itself.
Everybody deals with the pain of a break up differently, but here are a few things I have learned from my own experiences that may help you now or in the future.
Make it a clean break.
Break-ups are hard enough without letting those feelings linger. Sleeping with your ex after your break up, going for dinner and trying “to stay friends” isn’t going to help you get over things. A lot of guys use the “let’s be friends” line because they are either too scared or too cowardly to make the break.
If you are doing the breaking up then be fair to your ex and allow him to move on. If you’re the one being dumped then take time away. Unfriend them on Facebook, remove mutual friends and take some time for yourself. You may make contact again in the future but for now you may need time to heal.
Take time for yourself.
Sitting at home eating a bucket of ice-cream and feeling sorry for yourself is OK but don’t let it take over your life. It’s OK to feel hurt. The trap is in isolating yourself from your friends and those people who are able to support you. Get back to your friends, go for coffees and take some time to get to know yourself again.
Fucking won’t make the pain go away.
Some say that the best way to get over a man is to get under a new one. Anesthetizing your feelings by hopping from one bed to another is self-destructive and will only leave you feeling worse. Hooking up just because you don’t want to be alone or to take your mind of the way you are feeling only delays the pain, it doesn’t get rid of it.
Be Angry, be sad… it’s ok.
Deal with your feelings and allow yourself to feel angry or sad or anything else you feel. Holding it inside and letting it turn to bitterness will only stop you from moving on and eventually those feelings will poison your future relationships too.
Follow your passions.
What makes you happy? Do you love taking photos? Sport? Film? Coffees with friends?
Immerse yourself again in the things that you love, it will help you rebuild your self esteem and help to break the cycle of feeling sad.
When you see your ex.
Even now my heart still freezes when I see my ex. However you are feeling remember that the best way to avoid a hard situation is to not be there at all but this is not always possible. If you see your ex around, if you hang out in the same places of have mutual friends then you could be forgiven for avoiding them all together. Just remember that if you stop doing what you love or stop seeing the people you love because of your ex then you are giving away your power. Let your heart heal but also be strong and stay true to what you really want from life.
Forgiveness is key.
In the end forgiveness will set you free. It is a cliché but true nonetheless that everybody comes in to our life for a reason. Some bring lessons, some bring revelations. It may not happen quickly or even slowly but forgiveness is something you do for yourself. Holding in hurt and anger only creates bile within and poisons our future relationships.
You will be OK
Remember you will be OK. Break-ups are painful and messy but there are so many amazing people out there that if you are open to the possibility then the right person will come along. Whatever your view on love is there is somebody for everybody out there if only you can get over your own feelings of rejection.
Love yourself. If you can’t have love for yourself and compassion for yourself then how will anybody else? You are a shining light and deserving of love. Never forget that.