When catching up with friends, turning on the television or flicking through a magazine, it’s very clear and undeniable that sex is a topic that smothers us.
Being part of the gay community generally magnifies sex and can be overwhelming when it is easily accessible and forms part of our identity.
Feeling sexy and worthy is not always easy for everyone and the perception that gay men have a heightened sex life is once again a generalisation that can affect the daily lives of men who just don’t see it as a priority.
Labels are used to identify things and as humans, being labelled as gay or straight seems to automatically stamp us with a whole list of generalisations that may or may not be true to your character or own identity.
“Sex just may not be your thing and that’s ok”
The struggle to feel worthy and good enough is challenging for many of us, let alone having to conform to a label that simply just may not apply to you.
We can’t deny there is a large perception that gay men are focused on sex and want it whenever and wherever they can.
It’s too easy to scroll open your phone to find somebody in your area who is looking to share a sexual experience.
Of course this does not apply to all gay men, nor is there anything wrong with men who choose to have a highly active sex life, but it can become a very big problem for gay men like myself who doesn’t have a big desire to make sex a part of my weekly routine.
This does not mean I’m an alien from out of space, who lives in a bubble without any human emotion or feelings, but fitting into a society where sex is relevant and does form part of a relationship with a loved one, I do find it to be a struggle. It makes me feel anxious, afraid of ridicule and rejection.
My situation is not unique though. Body image and self esteem have a close relationship with sexual confidence and being uncomfortable in your skin can cause stress and lead to an avoidance of having sexual experiences. I’m sure we all have fantasies and things in life we would like to participate in however we simply don’t because it’s just too far out of our comfort zone.
But sex just may not be your thing and that is ok.
Many men see sex to be a variety of different things, for some it involves penetration, for others it could be holding hands while falling asleep.
As seasons change, your desire for sex may fluctuate and evolve into something you haven’t experienced.
Sex doesn’t necessarily need to be defined, nor does it need to define you, and there is no need to ridicule others because they aren’t into what you’re into.
All I ask is that you support your peers and community the way you wish to be supported and become an honourable leader of acceptance, not a cowardly leader of ridicule. Thank you.